Author Topic: Soon to be new Dad: Looking for wisdom  (Read 2934 times)

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Online JD

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Re: Soon to be new Dad: Looking for wisdom
« Reply #20 on: January 22, 2013, 07:36:32 AM »
Some more great comments, thank you! Keep them coming I'm really enjoying hearing everyone's perspective.
Josh


Offline weemis

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Re: Soon to be new Dad: Looking for wisdom
« Reply #21 on: January 22, 2013, 08:22:08 AM »
Love them with all your heart, be fair with them and yourself, show them your passion, share your interests and help them to grow in understanding.

It also bears repeating that the early years take a lot of patience and a resilient sense of humor.  For example, finger-painting a poop mural on textured wallpaper next to the toilet... "That's a no-no, DAMMIT!".  Arrrghhh!  Time for a walk.  By the time I came back it was funny.

+2 (poop mural!? and i thought my son was trying.... geez!)

Find your center, and remain there. Allowing your child to upset you gives them the power. Remain calm and you'll do well. If you've got a good partner, your already ahead of the game. Also, don't forget to make sure that you partner has a good partner ;) A happy mommy is a happy family... don't forget that.

Also, I found myself expecting life to resemble non-parent life, which lead me to be constantly disappointed at first. Vacation was just taking care of our son in a different place (i.e. not a break from parenting). If you're expecting time to yourself, you'll be constantly let down. Just jump the gun and expect none, then if you get any, you'll be grateful. The perspective change was most difficult for me.

Good luck, and congratulations, my friend! The love you give is the love you receive.
Nick Gore - just a dough eyed wanderer

Offline Serpentelli

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Re: Soon to be new Dad: Looking for wisdom
« Reply #22 on: January 22, 2013, 09:48:00 PM »
Buy one book, and one book only:On Becoming Baby Wise: giving your infant the gift of Nighttime Sleep Follow all instructions to the letter. All other lessons in fathering flow from this.

Oh yeah, one more thing. Don't let your wife breastfeed your son just before he heads out onto the tennis court at age 5 for his tennis lesson. That's mostly it I think ???
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Offline ThatsAmore

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Re: Soon to be new Dad: Looking for wisdom
« Reply #23 on: January 22, 2013, 11:11:17 PM »
Your children will have many friends in their lifetime, but only two parents, make sure you do your part too.
Who put that pie in my eye ?

Offline 3.1416

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Re: Soon to be new Dad: Looking for wisdom
« Reply #24 on: January 22, 2013, 11:28:15 PM »
I agree with Serpentelli. "Babywise" works! I spent some time with the authors a few years ago. Wise and good folks.
A man's children are like arrows in a quiver, they can only be released once. Take careful aim. Laugh as much as they cry now so you are not crying when they start laughing.

Online JD

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Re: Soon to be new Dad: Looking for wisdom
« Reply #25 on: January 23, 2013, 08:36:35 AM »
Buy one book, and one book only:On Becoming Baby Wise: giving your infant the gift of Nighttime Sleep Follow all instructions to the letter. All other lessons in fathering flow from this.


Wow talk about a polarized audience. I read some reviews on Amazon and its either a miracle or child abuse. I can see this whole parenting thing is going to be a very personal experience for us. 
Josh

Offline Serpentelli

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Re: Soon to be new Dad: Looking for wisdom
« Reply #26 on: January 23, 2013, 12:07:54 PM »
Oh yeah I forgot to mention that --- someone in your family will definitely accuse you of child neglect at the very least.... The book is controversial! :)

But, after two nights of incessant crying by themselves behind closed doors, with my wife and I crying quite a bit ourselves :( my kids both became "full night" sleepers. Remain so to this day.

And to paraphrase what was stated previously:

1. If Mama's happy everybody's happy
2. A Well rested Mama = A Happy Mama

One other thing that came to mind --- You may find that any and all of your previously enjoyed hobbies (guitar, snowboarding, mountain biking, beer making, etc, etc) will be put unintentionally on "hold" for the next 4 to 5 years. Do not fret. Hang with the family. Its worth it and you will be glad you put in the time.

John
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Offline Don K

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Re: Soon to be new Dad: Looking for wisdom
« Reply #27 on: January 23, 2013, 01:29:51 PM »
Wow talk about a polarized audience. I read some reviews on Amazon and its either a miracle or child abuse. I can see this whole parenting thing is going to be a very personal experience for us. 
Before my daughter was born, my wife and I read several parenting books, including On Becoming Baby Wise that Serpentelli mentioned. We also read some of Dr. Sears' books, which in many aspects are polar opposites to the methods described in On Becoming Babywise.

While I can't say that we didn't learn anything from these books, newborns don't come with step-by-step instructions. I think that good parenting comes from the heart and the use of a lot of common sense. Every baby is different and things don't always go the way you expect, or the way you read about in a book.

A lot of the books talk about what to do and what not to do when he/she cries, but they don't mention the fact that you will develop a sense of why your baby is crying, be it a dirty diaper, hunger, tired, or whatever. I can't explain it, you just know. There's just certain things that you can't learn from a book, you learn them from the on the job training.

I have a different perspective on this than most fathers because when our first was born I became a stay-at-home dad while mom worked. I was nervous as hell at first, but as time went on, it got much easier.

Another thing that I'd like to mention is: From the beginning, talk to your baby normally and don't use baby talk like "goo goo" and "ga ga". At first, they don't have a clue what you're saying, but they are listening and they will learn more than you realize. I remember being in Walmart and there was this mother talking baby talk to her son, who appeared to be about 2 years old. The kid talked complete nonsense back to her. Both of my kids were talking in complete sentences at a very early age.
The member formerly known as Colonel_Klink

Online tinroofrusted

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Re: Soon to be new Dad: Looking for wisdom
« Reply #28 on: January 23, 2013, 06:16:39 PM »

But, after two nights of incessant crying by themselves behind closed doors, with my wife and I crying quite a bit ourselves :( my kids both became "full night" sleepers. Remain so to this day.

John

When our daughter was a baby my sister-in-law (who raised three kids) gave us the technique prescribed in this book, and we followed it, feeling all the time like we were the worst parents in the world (for two nights). Our daughter cried and cried and we would just go in, calm her a bit, and leave, giving a little longer between visits each time. My sister-in-law told us it would be hell the first two nights but that it would be worth it.  Well, after about two or three nights of very vocal protests, my daughter realized that crying would not bring us running, and instead of crying herself to sleep, she would just drift off when we put her down (on a schedule of course), and never wake up until the next morning. And she has been a great sleeper her whole life. So based on that very anecdotal experience, I would say it is well worth it to suffer that couple of really stressful nights in order to get your baby to sleep without expecting that she can bring you in the room every time she cries.  At least that was our experience.  But be prepared; it's not an easy time getting your baby to go along with this.  

Regards,

TinRooof

Offline Chicago Bob

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Re: Soon to be new Dad: Looking for wisdom
« Reply #29 on: January 23, 2013, 09:07:07 PM »
This is how you get baby to stop crying.  ;D
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JtxuDZDzxJE" target="_blank" class="aeva_link bbc_link new_win">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JtxuDZDzxJE</a>
"Care Free Highway...let me slip away on you"


Offline pythonic

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Re: Soon to be new Dad: Looking for wisdom
« Reply #30 on: January 24, 2013, 12:35:21 AM »
Don't use bottle warmers.  Keep it room temp or face major issues when on the road.
Get lots of sleep
Get out of the house with friends while you still can

Good Luck!
If you can dodge a wrench you can dodge a ball.

Offline Chicago Bob

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Re: Soon to be new Dad: Looking for wisdom
« Reply #31 on: January 24, 2013, 12:40:56 AM »

Get out of the house with friends while you still can

Good Luck!
+1....and don't forget to always tell momma she looks great(you'll see ::) )

 ;D
"Care Free Highway...let me slip away on you"

Offline deb415611

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Re: Soon to be new Dad: Looking for wisdom
« Reply #32 on: January 24, 2013, 06:51:14 AM »
enjoy every minute, they grow up fast (my son is 21)

figure out a way for you & momma to get out every once in awhile - together and individually


I was very lucky, I was at work the day of the poop mural ;)

Online JD

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Re: Soon to be new Dad: Looking for wisdom
« Reply #33 on: January 24, 2013, 01:25:47 PM »
I just re-read all these comments to let them sink in some more. Some really great advice, thanks again everybody.
Josh

Offline ringkingpin

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Re: Soon to be new Dad: Looking for wisdom
« Reply #34 on: January 26, 2013, 09:55:33 AM »
my advice is don't take anyone's advice




buy the Ferber book on sleeping.
"Tell me what you eat, and I will tell you who you are."
 Brillat-Savarin

Offline Serpentelli

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Re: Soon to be new Dad: Looking for wisdom
« Reply #35 on: January 26, 2013, 03:23:38 PM »
OK three more parenting books:

1. Beautiful Boy by David Sheff
2. Tweak by Nic Sheff

The first two books tell the same story told from different perspectives (Father and Son). Nic the son becomes addicted to Heroin and Meth.

3. Far From the Tree; Parents, Children, and the Search for Identity by Andrew Solomon

This book is not for the faint of heart and may be better left unread if you are a new parent-to-be. It is one of the most in-depth and compassionate books I have ever read, and it details parents' experiences dealing with disorders ranging from deafness to dwarfism, Down syndrome to autism, schizophrenia, transgenderism and even sociopathy. Challenges most if not all of the beliefs you have about raising a child who is "not what was expected"......
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Offline akuban

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Re: Soon to be new Dad: Looking for wisdom
« Reply #36 on: January 27, 2013, 10:19:48 AM »
This is more short-term advice (since everyone else here has more experience than I do and has given great long-term advice) ... start making freezable, 2-portion meals NOW and load your freezer and/or deep-freeze if you have one. If possible, see if you can enlist family/friends to help — you know, if they ask how they can help you.

We did a little of this but not enough. After getting our daughter home, we coasted on our meals. As soon as we ran out of our frozen meals, we were in the weeds. Thankfully we had my MIL and FIL here, and they cooked.

After a while, you get used to the schedule and know when you can cook, do things, etc.
¡Hasta la pizza!

Offline deb415611

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Re: Soon to be new Dad: Looking for wisdom
« Reply #37 on: January 27, 2013, 05:38:31 PM »
This is more short-term advice (since everyone else here has more experience than I do and has given great long-term advice) ... start making freezable, 2-portion meals NOW and load your freezer and/or deep-freeze if you have one. If possible, see if you can enlist family/friends to help — you know, if they ask how they can help you.

We did a little of this but not enough. After getting our daughter home, we coasted on our meals. As soon as we ran out of our frozen meals, we were in the weeds. Thankfully we had my MIL and FIL here, and they cooked.

After a while, you get used to the schedule and know when you can cook, do things, etc.

that is awesome advice

Offline weemis

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Re: Soon to be new Dad: Looking for wisdom
« Reply #38 on: January 28, 2013, 08:23:11 AM »
This is more short-term advice (since everyone else here has more experience than I do and has given great long-term advice) ... start making freezable, 2-portion meals NOW and load your freezer and/or deep-freeze if you have one. If possible, see if you can enlist family/friends to help — you know, if they ask how they can help you.

We did a little of this but not enough. After getting our daughter home, we coasted on our meals. As soon as we ran out of our frozen meals, we were in the weeds. Thankfully we had my MIL and FIL here, and they cooked.

After a while, you get used to the schedule and know when you can cook, do things, etc.

yeah, if anyone asks if they can help, tell em you want food. load up the freezer!
Nick Gore - just a dough eyed wanderer

Offline cnkymnky

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Re: Soon to be new Dad: Looking for wisdom
« Reply #39 on: January 28, 2013, 06:21:37 PM »
cherish every moment you have with them and never assume they will be there tomorrow