Hey I got an idea Bob...
A buddy of mine has a Segway that he would probably let me use. The costume could be a robot. Probably would have to install some kind of cup holder...but...No walking, running, staggering, etc. Heh? 
Colonel, that sounds absolutely maarvolus man'''I always like the way you think...

And with an additional costume provided by Nastie Norma...perhaps you and I could be a dynamic duo, eh?
This is getting better all the time..as Mr. Mark would say....
Come on! Come On!!!